Pick Your Pop Culture

So, I've like written about music for 25 years, and like I've got a lot to say and not enough people to pay me for it, and like I like to write about TV, and books, and movies, and stuff like that.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Dipping My Toes In a Meme

I haven’t tried one of these before, but my online friend Aunt B over at Tiny Cat Pants did it the other day, so why not? It looks like fun. For those of you playing along at home, follow the instructions, and post it to your own blog or to my comments or just pass it along on the internet.

Answer the question "If you could be ---____ . Choose five titles from the list [below] and answer the question for each of them. Add a job title to the list when you are done, if you would like, but you can't choose your own newly added job title.

Scientist - Farmer - Musician - Doctor - Painter - Gardener - Missionary - Chef - Architect - Linguist - Psychologist - Librarian - Athlete - Lawyer - Innkeeper - Professor - Writer - Llama rider - Failed actor gone political - Moonbat - Street Performer - Pro Bowler – Psychic – Skipper

1) Professor. Well, I guess I’d be a Professor of Improved Common Sense. I’m not sure how many people I’d get to sign up for my classes, but the idea would be to get people to forget all about their beliefs that they have common sense, and to instead try to look at the ways their beliefs may differ from people with different backgrounds. Then, after careful studying of a variety of different belief systems, each class would end with a project attempting to create new and improved common sense capable of being applied across vastly different circumstances.

2) Scientist. I’d want to be one of those science popularizers, like Stephen Jay Gould. I’d particularly love to find a way to make evolutionary theory so easy to understand that not even the most fundamentally fundamentalist could poke a hole in it any more. And, while I’m at it, I’d like to make science fun and exciting to the general public to counteract all the misunderstanding that has become so much a part of the American concensus.

3) Librarian. I’d love to be in charge of the Library of Congress, with the special task of finding one previously neglected interesting tome per week and writing a USA Today column on it. Who knows how many fascinating novels and works of non-fiction are sitting there in Washington gathering dust? As an aside, I’d make it my special mission to explain Library of Congress alphabetization rules, so that people who work in record stores will forever understand things like the reason Los Straightjackets belong in “L”, not “S”, or the logic behind putting short words before longer ones in alphabetical order.

4) Lawyer. If I’m gonna go to the trouble of becoming a lawyer, I’m damn straight gonna be a Supreme Court Justice. It’s my fantasy, and I’m taking it all the way to the top. My first joy would be arguing with Scalia and Thomas day in and day out, knocking them sideways with my encyclopedic knowledge of cases and precedents which would make all their horrific ideas seem like the work of kindergartners. Then, I’d set to work on protecting the rights of all Americans as they’re supposed to be protected. Ain’t no overturning Roe V. Wade on my watch, either.

5) Athlete. As long as we’re just playing, I might as well say that I really would love to be a professional hockey player. I had a few skills in the street hockey world, but I was prevented from pursuing a career in the NHL (and thus losing all my teeth by the age of 25) because of an irrational fear of attempting to move while wearing ice skates. So, I’d like to have the chance to get out there and stop Brett Hull from getting any shots on goal.

There you have ‘em, my dreams for the day.

2 Comments:

Blogger Aunt B said...

Wow. I totally wish you were a librarian at the LOC. You would be so great! The idea of doing a column is brilliant.

12:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was searching for chicago cubs curse and found your site.

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Dave

4:18 AM  

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